I know what is going through your head. How could I let all these people in? I could I let another broken, imperfect human into my deepest hurts? How could I trust them with such a tender piece of my heart?
You sit there silently in the background. You watch everyone else laughing, telling stories about their past, living freely. You nervously laugh along not volunteering any stories about your own life. Its much easier to stay out of the spotlight. No one ask you about yourself there. No one tries to pry at the door of your heart. Its comfortable.
The funny thing is as you sit there on the outside there is this small part of you who wants to scream. Who wants to be like “here it is, here’s my heart, here I am”. You want people to love you in your darkest. You want to be noticed. You want to let people in.
But fear wins, anxiety wins, pride wins. Fear of people running away, anxiety over the reaction of others, pride that your image will be ruined. Thoughts are spinning through your head. Its overwhelming.
How are all these other people so open? Aren’t they scared of what other people are going to think? Then that same lie seeps into your mind that you are all too familiar with: of course they are not scared, they are no where near as messed up as you, people relate to them but not you. You slip into the familiar external silence, keeping to yourself while your mind is anything but silent. Its miserable, its exhausting, its overwhelming, but its okay because this is how it as to be right?
No, that is where you are wrong. It doesn’t have to be like this. Life doesn’t have to be overwhelming, fearful, and exhausting. You don’t have to keep everything a secret. You don’t have to let your deepest hurts growing deeper and deeper until the internal pain is too much.
You are blessed by so many people that love you, so many people that want to support you, so many people that want to help you. But here is the catch, you have to let them in. You have to reach out. You have to face the fear, let your guard down, humble yourself.
I promise you it is worth it. Take it from the girl who spent her entire life pushing people away. The people in your life want to love you, want to support you, want to be there for you. There is such a beauty in vulnerability; such a relief in letting others help us carry our burdens. So next time put yourself in the spotlight just for a second. Let people in. You never know how your story is going to impact others and who may need to hear the words you have to share.
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